the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
