she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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