Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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