he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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