Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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