Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She's just so happy...and so naked.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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