Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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