you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
