Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
