saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
