I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Help. Why am I so naked?
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