i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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