Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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