if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
