I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
