Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
