Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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