u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
