If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
