Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I will be naked everywhere
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
