youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
