it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
