No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
