TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think a kid would responsible me up
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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