Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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