I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
