its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
