just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
