As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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