just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
