the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
