Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
