Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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