She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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