I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
