so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
