She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
