Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
