dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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