Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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