I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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