Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
