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Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
