you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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