I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
