i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
