It's like God shit irony all over that family
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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