I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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