Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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