why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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