Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
