I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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