dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
