So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
