Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
