I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
