So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
