I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
